Winter gift-giving holidays are now done, which means we are full on into “New Year, New You!” season. Resolutions, diets, and new versions of perfectionistic self-shaming begins.
For so many high-achieving women, this time of year is rife with “to do” landmines. Perhaps your winter gift-giving holidays put you into overdrive, and rather than taking this last week of the year to recharge and rest, you are gritting your teeth over the next self-imposed hurdle.
I’ve got to lose these 25 pounds.
I’ve got to start reading 14 books per month for self-improvement.
I’ve got to stop yelling at my kids.
These might all be fine goals, but where are they coming from? Are they coming from a desire to improve your life, or from shame over where you are?
The thoughts and beliefs that ultimately drive your actions, matters. If they didn’t matter, then beating yourself up to achieve your goals would always work, and your results would stick. You *might* be able to lose 25 pounds from shaming yourself, but will you keep it off?
What if this time, you chose to pause. What if instead of driving straight into action mode, driven from negativity (I should be smarter, thinner, nicer, etc), you choose how you want to feel, and what you need to think in order to feel that way. For example, if I want to feel healthy, I need to think that I want to take good care of my body with my habits. When I pair these thoughts and feelings, they will drive the actions that I want to take, the habits I want to develop, to get me my results.
This work can seem simple, too simple, and in some ways, it is. But we also don’t do it. If you have ever picked up a self-help book that includes questions or forms or some other tasks, do you do them? Most of us don’t, we dive straight into action steps, and they don’t last.
So instead, if we want different results, different outcomes, and a different experience, we need to do the work differently. It’s ok if it’s simple. Don’t let your brain make it complicated.
“I would like to practice feeling in control of my emotions. Feeling more in control will help me to be less stressed and be kinder to my kids. I will practice feeling more in control by doing a thought download each day, and by sitting quietly for 2 minutes each day. I will take these steps even when I don’t feel like it, because I want to practice being more in control of my emotions.”
Set an intention, say how and why you will practice it. Give yourselves reminders on your calendar, sticky notes, etc, and plan a time/place for getting these things done.
Start simple, start small, but start. And start where you are.
